heykidfuckyou

tip of the tongue cognition #6

2009-11-26T08:30:34Z

it seems like everything needs to be fake
we can't function anymore with the truth
like how i can only know someone after they're dead
when there's no more looking forward to do
and we're looking for something that we dropped in the grass
and we're looking on the wrong side of the hill
i'm afraid the revelator can't speak anymore
i would forget it if it weren't for the pills
i don't think i can remember, only find it again
maybe by accident, before i kill all my friends
and maybe i'm the living dead but i just don't know it yet
how could i when every day is soaked in bloody red
you're all nothing but a fucking picture in my head
i wish i was never born because i'm scared of being dead
but i wish even more that you just felt the same way
if i thought there was a god then i would lose myself in pain
i'd curse him in the mornings when i woke up by myself
i'd slander him nonstop because i'm looking forward to hell

the early horseman, enraged and inhumane

2009-11-19T18:33:50Z

yeah i know i could give you checkmate
but i refuse to be your pawn
and it's not that i'm lazy
i just love myself more
and my heart's been broken ever since the day i woke up and saw
that my moms and pops were wrong
and you are too
but i'll never get the floor
once more i regret opening my eyes
and seeing you for what you are
cuz now no matter what you say or do
i'll never say i love you too
i don't
and don't you say you're disappointed with me
look at yourself
you're a fucking wreck
you're a mess and you want me to fuck up
so you can say that you were better
you can say you gave me shelter
you can say you were the only one who cared
when all you want from me is an ego boost and a sense of self-esteem
the streets are calling my name
am i worthy or just blowing off some steam
you ask me if i think im better than you
fuck yeah i do and you know it's true
as low and worthless as i am, you'll never hold a candle to what i've been through
you can say i'm selfish, and i'll agree with you
i'm cold, i'm hateful, and i love myself more than you could ever hope to
what's wrong with being like myself?
should i be more like you?
should i live my life in restless aquisition for a future that's never now
maybe one day i'll break free and get away someway somehow
your chains don't scare me anymore, you can't hit me with empty threats
cuz i've got the means and i've got the will and you're facing sudden death
bureaucrats and politicians are no match for me
i'm the fucking best there's ever been
and i won't sell myself, i'm free
i'll tear through your walls and what then
where you gonna hide?
where are all your lies?
you never looked inside
to find that you have never been alive
you're always passing by
never look me in the eye
i can honestly say that i wouldn't even want to cry
if i was given the choice, just to end your voice, i'd let you die

i'm afraid there's no such thing as green flowers, you know?

2009-11-15T19:04:04Z

the tree at the end of the street is the perfect role model
if i could just become like that i know good things would follow
i think i see it and it thinks it's invisible
but the light's become misleading
i've become ignorant, and trying still to self-inflict ignorance
when you give me one of those funerals i want red and green flowers all over that wall
because no one's gonna remember a thing i've said
this is the information age
this is the shock peripheral scene of our decay
and we're all better off thinking a savior will one day come back for us
maybe i think it's dignified to end up instead in a prison or a hearse
but that tree inspires me to fear the worst of my analytical functions
this sensory blockade is reduced to complaints or sometimes genocide
i don't know if i can even say i know anything about myself
and i'll only end up dead this way, or accidentally inside out
an orchestra of truncheons leads us in chains
all in line along the wall to cell block this or that
your voice is not a footstep or a symphony
this arrogance is all that's saving us from grief and sensibility
all our favorite records have nothing more to say
and i think we're all afraid we'll only end up dead this way

the angry i love you

2009-11-12T02:14:55Z

our greatest desire is one that goes against our principles
we want to be used and we want to be thrown away
it's the only natural thing
it's the cosmic dictatorship of balance
it's the right to be alone forever
no strings attached
the sun doesn't come out for the storm
and angels exist as a necessary illusion
the distraction is imminent
its locked on target, armed and ready
yeah we're all snowblind in a fog of trust and fears
i've been sewing myself shut for 8 long years
my face is dwindling
i refuse to shine anymore
the hope in me has failed and i'm passing out on the bathroom floor

the eminent blasphemy, the nightmare child

2009-11-09T22:49:22Z

everything we think is probably wrong
when you think you're awake, you're asleep
when you think you're in love, you feel an imagined mutual ownership
when you think you're alive, you're intoxicated, sobriety beyond memory
when you think you're a man, you're just jerkin your dick
a juggernaut is coming to tear down the stage
to send us down to where you've been
hoping we're washed up
kissing dirt
Hylas, the nightmare child, rises from the pit of eclipse
hands covered in flames grip the morning star's ashen throat
with bone fragments and bits of skin in the blaze of sinking hate, the landfill caves in
soon all will know and believe of Hell, its king having shown them the downward path

virtue or denial or none of the above

2009-10-26T11:53:15Z

there's no shame in a living
pigs and hens just keep giving and giving
but i don't need any help sleeping at night
because i sleep all day
clouds pass by unconsciously
and trucks and elephants and bible salesmen
to nightmares betrothed, this static abode
and you'll get more use from yours too
i can't blame the children and puppies
juvenile delinquent is a contradiction in terms
it's your fault
it's all your fucking fault
i see now that you're right
i can't change the world
but i'm gonna make goddamn sure it don't change me

totem soul

2009-10-14T02:09:24Z

your fur will integrate the fashion of this cage
go ahead, drink these chemicals
try this blush
i'll reassure you
the water will retake the air
the dirt is soft out there in the woods
there's peanuts galore and the pasteur is warm

commodified

2009-10-03T07:22:52Z

you bought it in a shopping mall
you saw it on a shelf
it screamed your sister's name to you
it was only but a glance
and when you remembered she was dead
and knew it would remind you
you turned around and out you went
until you saw a shelf at home
that seemed its proper place
they boxed it up and wrapped it up
because it's close to christmas
you'll put it on that shelf to stay
and sometimes look around its tail
at the sticker and it'll be aged
and won't remind you of her anymore

losco road

2009-08-14T09:55:40Z

i can't see what i've seen before
flowers we've passed crying have long since changed the world
they're dead now
i can't hear what i've heard before
songs you love in dreams, when you wake up, aren't real anymore
keep them somehow

heykidfuckyou @ 2009-07-27T22:22:00

2009-07-28T02:29:49Z

in the dark i have the house all to myself
the light of eyes creeps in through every window,
and atlas is sore
terra's sickened tumblings lead to shoulder pains
daydreaming of the flavour in a smoke encrusted den
till we reach that brilliant hour when the voices wane
the blues still weep with blackened veins and teeth will break

eth 446

2009-07-11T20:39:05Z

there you are at the bottom of the drawer
smiling up at me like jesus christ
the universal quick fix
now im glad i never knew
spent too many sleepless nights missing you
and the dreams were many where you landed on my lap
in my pockets, in my hand, in my veins
i woke up grasping desperately
and here you are, jesus christ dressed in white
my only holy communion
your sister almost tastes so fulfilling
but i miss you with a dread of waking
the empty hole is overflowing
and i don't care if any symptom's showing
i feel compassion, empathy, a soft and subtle knowing
and everybody envies when they see my eyes 'a glowing

value-free and scientific as shit

2009-05-15T10:31:38Z

the sprawl of black mythos amidst the sea of fire in the sky
haunts many whom desire for life; the unappeased, the seekers of ready-made answers
they dig and claw through the dirt in the hopes of a glance upon heaven's court
stricken with plague, the self-content are blasphemers, words are witchcraft
and in the ovens that dead men of the future will remember
the essence of our moments now are forgotten
yahweh's chosen few, manifest destiny, survival of the fittest, the economic axiom
we give praise to the owl, perched the most lofty, whose glimmer is seen in the darkening pleiades
we the unappeased give our blood for burial, and our vocal chords for a buyer

the source of soda from which self conflicts self

2009-04-27T01:53:17Z

the symptom, dark green and grayish oil filmed on the dead-still surface
what rain could dilute its transparent distortion of god's own mirror
as all the grimy fluids rise up and over the open sides
the country's height is dwindling and the lake is comatose
the springtime swans stopped coming once the storybook closed
and the children still cry in the evenings
though bubbles rise through foliaged crags
and drift in towards the shoreline, calm, and inseparable
for an attempt from outward, to pry one from another
is only an unnecessary end for all involved
but resist, as comrades
refuse to be moved, and prove your strength
we will reach the foggy bayside
and tell of oceans deep beneath pollution's hold

feast of phineas

2009-04-11T12:35:05Z

remember me now, forever til the circle ends or begins
tomorrow I'll be dead again
don't stop to pay attention then
a waste is too much of a word
perhaps more of a fulfillment of potential lacking
dependent on moods to stabilize my quaking knees
like some sort of long-term hope for things to be
where i end up grasping at the going breeze
and starving in the sand and heat

white phosphorus

2009-04-09T05:46:54Z

trudging through this nightmare
of dirty hands,
dirty hair,
and peering through the keyhole
of identity crisis,
hypnotic and mass induced,
i wonder who can be a friend
in a world of give and take,
of formal words and gestures,
of hooks and crosses,
of ink and paper

heykidfuckyou @ 2009-03-29T14:12:00

2009-03-29T18:14:05Z

lets just face it
i've never done anything that makes me worth my own space
but i guess i don't have to
cause i got it anyway
there's been times i wanted to
times i wished i could
or would if i got the chance

achilles heel

2009-03-25T12:32:32Z

i recommend ruining your life
self destruct
suffocate on a mattress of drugs
your satisfactions are just a shallow portion
of what you've really done
you've been left empty
no reason anymore
salvation's work in a controlled overdose
clouds seem like teardrops of the sea's now empty womb
death reaches upward to claim her task is through
another hero refusing the war

i want herestrau park where that pool is

2009-03-14T23:07:03Z

i could never understand why she left home
because she says everything is perfect at home
that she loves her parents and her parents love her
that her parents have a car
have a wonderful house
and i could never understand why she left
her answer has always been: because that's how i want it
ana never says how she makes a living in the street
ana never says whether the other children beat her
whether someone tried to rape her
she never says anything about herself

heykidfuckyou @ 2009-03-13T19:53:00

2009-03-13T23:56:54Z

nothing keeps me cheery like the look on your face
when you stumble over truth and curse its being in the way

a moment radiating

2009-03-13T11:30:03Z

people are working in sweatshops
for a dollar an hour
and we don't get what we want
globalization, the drums of war
i believe the present is a projection of the past
the fates have tied our threads together
a glow enshrouds your body and a perpetual chord lends hand to your thoughts
you seem beautiful with my eyes closed
i wish you would sense me too
blessed are we and the air we breathe

spake unto me in a driveway calling

2009-03-12T09:21:11Z

your mask used to irritate me
but i know its a portrait of you
and despite your external shortcomings
theres still something eternal that i'm clinging to
so go ahead and work for a wage
enjoy yourself with what you're paid
i can still look ahead to that hopeful day
when we all look back and we can say
people used to live in cities
until a new soul emerged
now the ground don't feel so gritty
i hope that i don't get there first
i'll meet mr da vinci and leonard cohen and captain kirk
and won't you be so gentle then
streamlined in smiles and free from all this hurt

heykidfuckyou @ 2009-02-26T02:44:00

2009-02-26T11:17:56Z

weight on water has only made waves
and no one is young anymore
learn to be alone or learn to play
symbols for numbers recite cheap labor in asia
no mention of children to grace your opinion
where is your talk of social stability now
suffocation dreams of patriarchy
wrists slit by design in a speechless hive
I'm not sure if i meant to drift in an expansion
There are some thoughts that make me happy here
Tho' i wouldn't mind leaving

dearest John Lee,

2009-02-21T10:53:12Z

in the letters you sent to me
your words mirror your voice so truly
and i remember boston
when i called for you
you came running
i'm sorry it took this long
for me to respond
it's just when you wait for something
as i wait for you still
the pain is overcoming
and i feel you could detest me
believe me in this, darling
for i think of no one else
and your poetry is oft a lullaby
as when you sang me to sleep
and never once left my side
but the downtrodden trainride
back to this place i despise
was like a shepherd with no sympathy
placing my cage far from your's
now when i think of you it's only gloom
never the love we tended in your sweetly candlelit room
my wings are clipped and i wear my callouses more each day
with the lonesome words i write of you
and if i should embrace you again, forever must i stay
i wish you tender sleep until that day,
my love,
and not worry for my grieving heart
as i know somewhere inside
your love for me should ill depart
for i still see in my dreams
the sincere grin of yours that gleams
brightly down the steps to me
that haunting and eternal day whence i forsook your mild touch
and despite how long you've awaited these words
forget not the promise we made to one another
to never give up our longing, our struggle
and hope with me that i may visit in september
i love you more each day,
Virginia

mother's lap and knee

2009-02-20T08:00:11Z

Tiresome I raise my heavy chin.
Suff'ring his dampened wreath, hindered dreams,
I beheld Her song entrenched in gloom.
Starlight drips through velvet quiltings,
Speaking backwards into me.
Ghosts of loss and loving sheen;
Patchwork of soulless self-image,
Beyond all knowing of thy sophistry;
And I let out a sobbing widow's cry,
"To the edge of thy horizon, Northern Wind,
Humble brother, I beseech thee, turn not once, carry to She my screams!
Set me free, hope of equality, put off not my call for thee!
Home awaits anxiously, somewhere in the gentle seas!
Keep steadfast, kindred spirit,
Show Her mine own urgent need,
So she may return and rescue me."
Wishing Him have pity on my tortured blusterings,
As I crept along the beach, loe, did i see?
An all-black sail approaching?

Hymnic Route Along The Churning Styx

2009-02-18T08:25:33Z

Acclimating, Tyrannical Idealistic Injustice, Fall Into Winter;

Joy rests in remembering
fleeting hastily Ills from me
damning all i perceive as Lunacy
She lay in grief, Beckoning

"Think in my rhythmic tone
Begrudge them all, decompose
Bondage in the uppercase
Doubt entrenched fore'er to stay"

Recollecting, Feathers Mimicking Movements In And Of A Potential Breeze; Spring Into Summer

Letters blew in dismal Reign from heaven down
God is rue, black diction Sinks into the ground
Vibrancy from emptiness Cast into sound
Convictions, despondency, Stir them around

show Your voice, raise Your face
we forbid them set the pace
abolish time, flaws erase
honor to The human race